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  • 03.07.13

    Rough seas these past few weeks.  In a fit of bad head space, I took down all posts, deleted my Tumblr, stayed away from Twitter for a bit.  I could give any number of reasons: feeling vulnerable, bad medication set, etc… Truth is, I’ve been going through a patch that we all go through: money problems, family drama, huge case of self doubt.

    And then something happened.

    I received an invite to an event, “Be Awesome”, on Facebook. What started as a quasi-joke from one man amongst his friends blossomed into over 1000 people “attending”, sharing on the page what in their life was awesome, or how they were awesome. It gave me hope when, quite frankly, I was a bit lacking & contemplating irreversible actions.

    So I made a magnet.  And then I made more.  Had a brainstorm.  Gained some hope.  Laughed a little.  Made more magnets.  Sold some, even.  Hooray hope.

    One person can make a difference.  It happens all the time. You just don’t hear about it often enough.  Thank you, Michael Gentz & your band of Awesome for pulling me back from the edge.


  • Ode to (Breakfast) Joy

    There are very few things I love more than going out to breakfast.  Going out to breakfast is like magic.  It’s not something that occurs often enough in my life. Maybe that’s what makes it so special.

    “Going out to breakfast” is one of the most decadent pleasures. It smacks of sleeping late, or not having been to bed yet.  Of slothful days off, or breakfast potatoes after a long night.  Coffee in cups that are half the size of the mug I use at home. Chocolate chip pancakes, sides of bacon. When calories are not to be counted, fat content ignored.  It’s breakfast. Relax. You’re out to breakfast.

    There was a time when we went out to breakfast once a week, without fail.  Languid summer weekdays, spending a few hours at the pancake house plotting our attack, talking crap, reading the local weekly paper aloud to each other, making long term plans, falling in love. But jobs & schedules changed, finances. Breakfast is now a luxury.

    My boss gave us gift cards at holiday time to a local restaurant that does an amazing High Falutin’ Breakfast. We’re finally going on Friday as a celebratory wrap up to what has been a 40th Birthday Week. It’s all I really wanted for my birthday, to go out to breakfast.  A leisurely reverie over eggs or french toast, over orange juice & sides of toast.

    It’s really all I wanted, to go out to breakfast, and I’m practically giddy with excitement.


  • 3 weeks & five drafts later

    I updated my fb/twitter this morning with “Not making the same mistakes in 2013. Vowing to make new & more exciting mistakes instead”. what I mildly meant as a joke is rooted in truth.  I am ridiculous in repeating the same mistakes, usually with people & relationships, and expecting different results.  At some point this fall during my unexpected sabbatical, it occurred to me what I’m assuming most people already know: I have to be the one to initiate a change to expect a different outcome.  It may be speaking up, shutting up, following through, changing approach or a myriad of other options.

    In short, a boatload of internal work that can/will eventually froth over.

    In a similar vein, I treated myself this week to a new tattoo.  Seems to be a once a decade thing, usually as I’m standing top step, peering at possibilities. Usually I spend any money given to me at holiday time on bills, but this year was different.  Not that my checkbook isn’t begging for mercy, but I decided I needed something nice. Maybe a marker for future reference.

    So on the soft underbelly of my left wrist, I had inscribed “life’s too short to drink bad coffee”.  But what I’ve learned this past year is “life’s too short to ________”.  I’ve been wasting a lot of time & energy beating my fists against brick walls.

    I just want to gain the knowledge on when to shrug & walk away and when to use the sledgehammer.


  • The Day After Sandy

    Well, we made it.  Here on our little island, our part sustained what appears to be the least damage.  Just a few blocks away, to the north, going into Wildwood proper, the flooding is pretty severe.  We were out this morning to take pictures, survey the area.

    We never lost power, which is a miracle.  Fortunately Sandy moved a lot quicker than anticipated, and hit us prior to high tide.  We were prepared to take on water, and had moved many items from our living room toward the back of the apartment.  Then we hunkered down.  As the winds shrieked around us and the rain pelted our place, we waited for the storm surge.  It didn’t come.  And then I fell asleep.  Is that anti-climactic or what? You really expected me to stay up all night? C’mon now….

    So here are some photos from this morning, from Wildwood Crest & Wildwood proper, just over the “Crest” line.  The video was shot at the end of Heather Road at the beach.  The winds were still gusting to approximately 50 mph.  So I was channeling my best Cantore.  You’ll be able to find more photos as I put them up on Instagram.

    and now the video.

    thanks to everyone who kept in touch via twitter, text & FB to check in on us.  it really made a difference during those “iffy” times.


  • Waiting on Sandy

    Patience is not my strong suit.  And what we’re doing right now is playing a game of “hurry up & wait” with the Storm of Sandy.  A Hybrid! Frankenstorm.  Insert your own hashtag here.  We’ve spent the past few days gathering supplies, and I’m 99% sure we’ve got everything we could possibly need to ride out this thing.  Batteries, bottled water in jugs, water stored in plastic containers, plenty of non perishable food (i.e. a trip to Big Lots the other day & hitting the cereal aisle HARD, coffee.  DO NOT BE ALARMED! Our stove is gas, so we can ALWAYS MAKE COFFEE.  And heat up food.

    This morning I went out around 7, walking the 5 blocks to the beach.  At our part of the island, it’s only about 6 blocks wide, from bay to ocean.  And flat.  Very flat.  But I digress.  Look! I’ve even given you a map of Cape May County, the very end of NJ for a frame of reference.  I’m a giver.

    I can see the back bay from my house!

    So as we tracked Sandy starting last week, we tried to keep a lid on our Hurricane Panic.  Last time, Irene, sent us evacuating to my MIL’s, who had evacuated up north.  We spent three days with live chickens in the kitchen.  During our wedding anniversary.  It was the year of Gov Christie’s impassioned “better put an index card in you shoe so that we can identify you” brouhaha.

    This time, we decided to hunker down & stay on the island.  We’re not stupid people.  Between us, we have the common sense of one really level headed individual.  We also have 5 cats, and transporting them wouldn’t be a pleasure cruise no matter where we went.  Plus, the whole eastern seaboard is going to get hit with this thing, so where to go, really?

    It’s lightly raining now, at 241pm.

    But like I said previously (i’m digressing ALL OVER THE PLACE), I went out this morning, just after 7, and took a walk down to the beach.  It was windy as I expected, the streets empty except for a larger than normal police presence.  Took some photos.  This is the Crocus Rd Beach in Wildwood Crest, NJ.

    shot some video.  i know why the Jim Cantore sings.  I mean, yells.  Cause you can’t hear a DAMN THING over all that wind.  so the mumbling you hear is just me mumbling about how high the water level is (high tide plus coming storm) & bitching about getting sandblasted.
    By 8am, the back bay was already starting to come over the barrier, which isn’t much.  Because hey, back bay.  By 1030ish, roads on the west side of the island were already blocked off.  I haven’t been outside recently.  The birds are chirping for the moment, and it’s just another rainy, fall day.  For right now anyway.

    Thanks to everyone who has contacted me via FB or Twitter or text or however to check on us & see if we’re going to be okay.  We will.  I’ll be updating via Twitter most of the time, until the power cuts out & my phone runs out of juice.  With any luck, I’ll be able to take some good photos & put ‘em up on Instagram.

    Until next time.  And by next time, I mean in a day or two.  Good luck to all my East Coast friends, cohorts, loves & rabble rousers.  We’ve got some X-files marathon-ing to do before this thing hits.

     


  • Ain’t Nobody’s Business If I Do. Or Don’t.

    We were not a political family growing up.  World affairs, elections of any kind, just weren’t discussed in our house.  As a result, I always looked at the “politics” part of the 6 o’clock news as the boring stuff between the murder count in Philly & the weather when I was a kid.

    I don’t remember which election it was, probably 1984 & we were discussing it in school, but I asked my mom who she would be voting for.  I had no idea (and still don’t, really) where my parents stood politically.  I remember my mom sitting in the living room saying “Who you vote for is a private thing”.  Huh.  That was good enough for me.  Lots of things were like that in our house.

    When I was a wee one, about 5 or so, one of my favorite things to do was watch my dad get ready for work.  I’d hop up & down on my parents’ king sized bed, watching Mighty Mouse on channel 48 (another shout out to late 70s Philadelphia).  Before my dad finished buttoning up his policeman’s shirt & attaching his clip-on tie, he’d slap on some Old Spice in a particular rhythm, never failing to lightly brush the sides of my face in a similar method.

    “How old are you, Daddy?” I once asked.

    “That’s none of your business, Barbara Lee”, he replied.

    I was a little put out.  I mean, he knew how old I was…I was just curious.  I guess my little friends & I had been talking about it.  It wasn’t until my mom turned 50 that I knew how old SHE was, and that’s only because my father planned a big surprise party.  Because, well, it was none of my business. And the “none of your business” line was non-negotiable in our household.

    Aside from the first Clinton election, when I was a freshman in college and could vote for the first time  (CLINTON, FUCK YEAH! I CAN FUCKING VOTE! CLINTON! WOOOHOOOO!), I’ve kept my political views pretty much to myself.  Even now, 20 years later, you won’t see me endorsing any candidate online or on my front lawn.  So while my FB & Twitter timelines fill up with blasting/celebrating/boohooing regarding both major parties, I remain silent, mentally agreeing/disagreeing with things that I see.

    Don’t get me wrong, I adore that my friends & people I follow are so vocal about their beliefs, even if I don’t agree.  It’s their right.  Just as it’s my right to keep mine to myself.

    Party affiliation aside, here’s what I do believe:

    • GLBT rights.  Marry who you love.  Everybody has the right to be in love, marry & receive benefits the same as a hetero couple.  What happens between consenting adults is… none of my business.  But human beings have the right to be happy.
    • A woman’s right to choose to terminate an untimely pregnancy for whatever reason.  Many of our mothers, aunts, sisters, grandmothers fought for this right.  Many died or suffered serious medical consequences during “procedures” before this right was “granted”.  Ain’t nobody’s business what happens in my uterus but mine.
    • Universal health care. Affordable, accessible healthcare for all  = healthier workers = better productivity.  The pharmaceutical industry pillages lower & middle class families (and by families that includes individuals, because who has the right to declare what’s a legitimate “family”) who cannot afford medications that can a) save lives b) improve quality of life.  A family shouldn’t have to decide whether they should pay their mortgage/rent or buy medications that are life-sustaining or life-improving.  Personally, I fight this battle monthly with my anti-depressants & other mental health bills.
    • Equal pay for equal work.  No brainer as far as I can see.  I don’t understand why it’s still an arguable point.

    Life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.

    But child abusers/molesters/exploiters get dipped in honey & trapped in a tank of fire ants. Domestic violence offenders have to survive in a pool brimming with Man O’ Wars for an hour.  Or two.

    This may be the only semi-political post you ever see from me.  As much as I celebrate your right to share your political affiliations & alignments (and believe me, I do), I celebrate my right to keep mine to myself.  I believe in people, not platforms.  In the individual, not corporations.

    And I believe in coffee.  And I believe I’ll go get another cup.

     


  • 10.8.12

    I’ve been maintaining relative blog silence for awhile.  The things in my head that are keeping me preoccupied are unbloggable right now.  But here’s a big slice that I’m comfortable sharing.

    I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life.

    I was unexpectedly laid off at the beginning of September.  In a beach resort, that’s like death.  You’ve got to make the money when you can.  Truth be told, I was too emotionally wrung out after losing Matt to argue.  But in that, I lost my routine.  And I function best with routine.

    With unexpected free time, I’ve been an aimless, shiftless idiot.  Yeah, I’ve been working a lot on my decoupage stuff, making magnets like my hair is on fire for my ETSY.  But the days roll into each other & I never know the date or if I’ve been wearing the same clothes for a few days.

    I whittle away my days with the cats, coffee, writing stuff that will remain unread, tooling around my usual online haunts & to be really honest, staving off hardcore loneliness.  Sure, I go out with my Weird Sister periodically, stretching the $ as far as it can go while still obtaining cool items to work with.  But in not going to work, I lost my every day socialization.  I’m out of practice.  My social comfort level is zero, even with my medication.

    I don’t know what I’m doing.  I feel no closer to an answer than a month ago, dangling around in the atmosphere like a half drained helium balloon.



  • Meh-ta

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    Sideshow Barb by Barbara Sobel is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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