So.  Every Monday we watch the previous night’s episode of ABC’s Once Upon a Time.  I was so excited to see it, after seeing the previews all summer.  So beautifully filmed, interesting plot line (parallel stories), blah blah blah.

After the first episode I turned to Chris and said “Holy freakin’ adoption plotline, Batman”.  I hadn’t realized, or read enough about it, to know that adoption is a key theme in this show.  And then we watched another episode the following week. and tweeted something like “Once Upon a Time is a birthmother’s wet dream”.  Because in some regards, it IS.  Now let me try to get to my point without giving too much away if you haven’t watched it yet.

Emma Swan, the birthmother to Henry, is….awesome.  And awesome is not something I’d normally use in description of birthmothers in media (TV especially).  She is intelligent, articulate, strong BUT vulnerable.  And wary of Henry (to which I can totally relate).  She keeps her emotional distance at first; so cautious.  But as the episodes move forward, that begins to break down rather rapidly. We’re so often portrayed as uneducated, poor, drug addicts or fucking crazy.  Or my personal favorite: trailer trash.  It is quite pleasant to be colored differently.  Like a normal woman.

Henry’s (adoptive) mom, the town mayor, is cooly evil.  She treats Emma as if she were some sort of pesky bug.  GO AWAY, BIRTHMOTHER.

And Henry? Totally well adjusted to the idea of his birthmother.  Like, only-on-TV-well-adjusted.

Every Monday afternoon during lunch, I cheer internally for Emma (and sometimes externally as well).  For having the guts to stand up to Henry’s mom on certain subjects.  For what I consider fighting the good fight.  You’re supposed to cheer for the birthmother.  She’s GOOD.

Adoptive mom, BAD.

Birthmother, GOOD.

This is NOT the usual scenario portrayed in the media.  I can’t tell you how refreshing (like a mountain spring) this is.  And this does not reflect on my personal relationships with adoptive parents of all kinds. I’m talking about the stereotype that exists, still.  And probably always will:

Birthmothers are girls who screwed up, but could redeem themselves by giving that infertile couple the “most precious gift”.  The innocent baby is handed off to the angelic adoptive parents, who are SO WONDERFUL for adopting.  Birthmothers are angels who completed (someone else’s) family.  Do you hear the beatific chorus? Listen really hard.  You will.

You can argue with me that this stereotype is dead & buried, but believe me, I can talk you into the ground about it.  I LIVE it.  Many women I know have similar stories.  The negative vision of birthmothers is alive & well.  I see it on the internet every damn day.

Which brings me back to Once Upon a Time. You, the viewer, are supposed to root for Emma, for the birthmother.  And damn, that’s a good thing.