I’ve been maintaining relative blog silence for awhile. The things in my head that are keeping me preoccupied are unbloggable right now. But here’s a big slice that I’m comfortable sharing.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life.
I was unexpectedly laid off at the beginning of September. In a beach resort, that’s like death. You’ve got to make the money when you can. Truth be told, I was too emotionally wrung out after losing Matt to argue. But in that, I lost my routine. And I function best with routine.
With unexpected free time, I’ve been an aimless, shiftless idiot. Yeah, I’ve been working a lot on my decoupage stuff, making magnets like my hair is on fire for my ETSY. But the days roll into each other & I never know the date or if I’ve been wearing the same clothes for a few days.
I whittle away my days with the cats, coffee, writing stuff that will remain unread, tooling around my usual online haunts & to be really honest, staving off hardcore loneliness. Sure, I go out with my Weird Sister periodically, stretching the $ as far as it can go while still obtaining cool items to work with. But in not going to work, I lost my every day socialization. I’m out of practice. My social comfort level is zero, even with my medication.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel no closer to an answer than a month ago, dangling around in the atmosphere like a half drained helium balloon.
Doesn’t free time suck when you don’t want it?
I’m hardly one to wax philosophical, but Listen to the universe. I have found that it actual does tell me what I* SHOULD be doing. And when I listen, it all works well.
Of course, if you need a practical idea, I still say go for the sick Barbie book. I’d buy that bad boy in a heartbeat. Hey.. maybe I AM the voice of the universe!!
The economic times, they’re a-sucking. My two practical cents: Get up. Shower. Call someone. Breathe in and out. Send out a resume. Pat yourself on the back for doing each of these things. Sleep, then repeat.
it does suck to lose the routine and social interaction of a good job. on top of that and the loss of matt, no wonder you’re feeling aimless and low.
I know it’s easier said than done, but I hope you can take some of this new free time to do something for you, something new maybe, or something you’ve always wanted to do. even if it’s just a walk on the beach.
if you ever want to chat, I’m here. xo
It’s so hard to feel isolated like this; you have had a shitty go of things lately. I am thinking of you, and love you like crazy.
(I didn’t realize that you were making magnets while your hair was aflame. No wonder my last shipment smelled kind of like burnt hair.)