I’ve been maintaining relative blog silence for awhile. The things in my head that are keeping me preoccupied are unbloggable right now. But here’s a big slice that I’m comfortable sharing.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life.
I was unexpectedly laid off at the beginning of September. In a beach resort, that’s like death. You’ve got to make the money when you can. Truth be told, I was too emotionally wrung out after losing Matt to argue. But in that, I lost my routine. And I function best with routine.
With unexpected free time, I’ve been an aimless, shiftless idiot. Yeah, I’ve been working a lot on my decoupage stuff, making magnets like my hair is on fire for my ETSY. But the days roll into each other & I never know the date or if I’ve been wearing the same clothes for a few days.
I whittle away my days with the cats, coffee, writing stuff that will remain unread, tooling around my usual online haunts & to be really honest, staving off hardcore loneliness. Sure, I go out with my Weird Sister periodically, stretching the $ as far as it can go while still obtaining cool items to work with. But in not going to work, I lost my every day socialization. I’m out of practice. My social comfort level is zero, even with my medication.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel no closer to an answer than a month ago, dangling around in the atmosphere like a half drained helium balloon.