this time we go a little lower

My lifelong battles with depression & anxiety are well-chronicled on these pages. Just words.

Last week I fired up a limping laptop that I haven’t used in a number of years, looking for specific photos to move for future use. While scrolling through a untitled album that contained roughly 1000 photos, I found a series of self portraits taken when I was in my deepest, darkest places around 2006-2008. Before the hospital, before therapy, before medication. They knocked the breath from me. So often we don’t know how bad it is until much, much later.

My photo editing skills have dramatically improved over the years, and I must have deleted the original files, as I’d edit them much differently now. Maybe that’s okay. They speak for themselves, to specific point in my life. A place I don’t want to revisit, but always lives in the fringes.

8 thoughts on “this time we go a little lower”

  1. Wow! This is deep. I’m so glad you’re out of the dark today. I have many family members who suffered including my mom god rest her soul. Much love, Lisa

  2. You are an incredibly strong woman. It’s not always easy to dig out of that deep ditch, but you did! Rock on!

  3. I love you always, and you never fail to amaze me. Seriously. You are GOOD. You are fucking FANTASTIC. As a human, as a friend, as a photographer, as the best damn person ever. I’m so proud you’re here, and that I get to call you friend.

  4. I admire your strength. I can’t look at or think about the dark periods of my life. I can fall back in so quickly. Living through constant distraction? Maybe I am. Thanks for sharing.

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