The amazing Lilysea of Peter’s Cross Station (among other things) posted a tweet yesterday referring to an agency’s website & practices & how she couldn’t even begin to address what’s wrong with their information. Because I love a good chance to mock & feel a bit righteous, I perused their site, got fired up, wrote a really long post that waffles between two main outrages and slept on them, and decided to split the issues/posts.
The agency promotes adoption as a Regret Free Decision. Go on over. I’ll still be here when you get return.
Our mission is to help pregnant women in Louisiana make a regret-free decision for their child and themselves. Making an adoption plan is a loving and selfless choice, one that you can feel at peace with and be proud of. It is a process.
Four major words any woman considering adoption wants hear: Loving, Selfless, Peace, Proud. (I will not rail about their grammar, I will not rail against their grammar). When everyone else may be raining hellfire, guilt & shame on a woman unexpectedly pregnant, these words are extremely seductive. They offer redemption.
And what’s a process? What’s the nebulous “It”? Making an adoption plan? Choosing adoption in general? Dealing with loss, grief, regret & whatever else may come down the pike? Shit, the whole damn THING is a “process”.
But tell me, Director, tell me how I can make this “regret free decision” you claim! It sounds like magic!
When a birthmother first arrives at St. Elizabeth she’s typically confused, frightened … looking for someone to help her to make that decision and to do it in a way that gives her hope, that not only will she be able to make this choice and do it, and come out on the other side feeling good about it, but that she will have hope for the future ... (director)
We run our program around our birth mothers. We want them to be as comfortable as possible and tell us what they want and how they want things to go. Because it’s all about them (social worker)
You’re able to pick the level of openness. You’re one hundred percent responsible to decide what family you’re going to place your child with. There’s no ifs, ands or buts. We had one hundred percent say-so in that. And I thought that was amazing. (birth mother)
By promoting how vast an expectant mom’s power extends, they’re showing how In Control you can be. How ALL CHOICES ARE YOURS! OPEN ADOPTION IS SOOOO EMPOWERING (and AMAZING). The SW’s claim of it being “all about them” (birthmothers) made me chuckle and mutter “duh”.
But Director, tell me how you can assure my Regret Free Decision, because that’s a mighty big claim. Apparently it’s all about EMPOWERMENT & “being a strong woman” and a “better person”. HELL YEAH!
As they go through the process, they go through all the stages of grief, and it is absolutely amazing to see them come out the other side — stronger, more sure of themselves, relaxed, and at peace with their decision. And it’s sometimes just absolutely phenomenal to see what they do with their lives — which the really couldn’t have done, had they kept that child and had to deal with that child on a day-to-day basis. (Staff member)
HALLELU — wait a second here. “which the really couldn’t have done, had they kept that child and had to deal with that child on a day-to-day basis”? THAT child? THAT CHILD? “Had to deal with….” It’s called PARENTING. And “that child” is “her child”. Asshats.
I haven’t met a young woman yet here who didn’t have something she wanted to be. And so our goal becomes to help them get there. Sometimes it’s as little as I want to have a driver’s license. Sometimes it’s as big as I want to have a career. And so we just try to find what she’s hopeful for. And help her to get there. (Director)
Ding Ding Ding Ding! WE HAVE A WINNER! “And so we just try to find what she’s hopeful for. And help her get there”.
“If you give us your baby, we’ll take you to the DMV”?. Sounds like an even trade to me! Look at me! I can drive now! Adoption IS AWESOME and EMPOWERING!
I truly feel for the women of Louisiana who consider this agency. It’s implied that their birthmothers aren’t the brightest bulbs in the bunch. And always “birthmothers”, from the word “go”. Slap that label on from first sight & the medicine will go down a lot easier, dear.
Promises of comfort, warmth, understanding should come from the people in the expectant mom’s life, not an outside source that really only has the unborn kiddo at heart. It’s not the birthmothers that keep agencies like this operating, it’s the fees from prospective adoptive parents.
But don’t worry your pretty pregnant little head, cherie, they also offer emotional support.
As a birth mom, you can expect to go through a complete grieving process. You’ll be indecisive, you’ll be scared. You’ll cry. You’ll change your mind. And then you’ll come back to a feeling of pride that you can do it; and the knowledge that, in making a placement plan for your child, you are being a good mother. And because you have opted to make a placement plan for this child, you can also have a beautiful future for yourself. (Staff Member)
So much to vomit, so little time.
Thank you St. TerribleAgency for tossing me these slo-pitch softballs of adoption jackassery. On then next post I’ll be discussing Birthmother Borg.*
*The Borg are a collection of species that have turned into cybernetic organisms functioning as drones of the collective the hive, pseudo-race, dwelling in the Star Trek universe. (ref: Wikipedia)
Drones of the collective hive. You heard it here first.